Experiences of melanoma
Jen’s story
I was 39 when I was told I had malignant melanoma. I’d had a couple of moles removed in the past, mainly because they were in an awkward spot and rubbed on clothing. I never really worried about my moley skin too much although I knew the dangers of sun and sunbathing. Something I’ve never done. Like most of my friends now, I vaguely knew about skin cancer but had no idea about how aggressive and dangerous MM can be.
It began by me noticing that a small mole on my back was rubbing on my bra strap. I dealt with this by putting a plaster on it…I wish I had been a bit less unconcerned. A couple of weeks later it was no better so I went to my GP to ask if I could have it removed. I was referred to my local hospital where a nurse specialist removed it under local anaesthetic, I had the stitches out then went back. Then began the worst day of my life, I don’t know why I hadn’t thought about it. When I looked at the consultants face I realised something was wrong, I felt my head swim as he told me it was malignant melanoma. Thankfully I got my head together enough to ask some questions about its size (2.8mm) and what the lab report said. Then I was told I would need a wider local excision there and then. It was almost like an out of body experience hearing it all and having the surgery but struggling to get my head round the fact that yes this was happening to ME! I'd gone to the hospital on my own, driven myself there and left the kids with a friend + ended up driving myself home afterwards, so it was a bit nightmarish.
I cried every day for at least a fortnight, I read everything I could find and then after the initial shock and a few months went by in a weird way I have kind of got used to living with it all. Each time a 3 monthly check comes up I begin to worry, but in between times we decided to ‘live for today’ as much as possible. Our carbon footprint and credit card balances both went through the roof as we booked holidays every few months, and we saw Venice, Norway and other non too sunny places!. I thought at least my children will have some happy memories of us all together.
Then life settled down and I began to hope that I’d ‘got away with it’. Earlier this year and 3 ½ years on we finally decided to take a risk and move house, with a bigger mortgage etc, when just as I was clearing the garden I found the dreaded lump under my arm I thought I’d manage to avoid.
The waiting for surgery was rubbish, feeling the lump there and willing it not to spread any further. Three and a half weeks later I had my lymph nodes removed in my armpit and I’m awaiting the results this week as well as an appointment for a scan. I remain positive (most of the time) and of course aim to be one of the xx % or whatever the statistics are who do survive this disease. With two young children it’s too hard to think of the alternative. And for me, although not everyone might think like this, their continued ignorance of my worries is fantastic. I hope they don’t need to know for a long time yet.
One of the reasons I found my enlarged node so promptly is due to the good training my consultant game me on self checking. They have a website, and a cd rom which you can buy or view free online. It helped me.